… i sew myself shut. my weakness is that i care too much. my scars remind me that the past is real. i tear my heart open just to feel. – “scars”, papa roach.
its been nearly a year since i started this blog. i was blogging furiously back then thanks to a stupid breakup. raaah. i’d drum out entry after emo entry, in hope of reaching out to another broken-hearted someone and perhaps in return, seek some form of consolation. aaaaaand! i gotta thank you, my readers: i might not know who you are… YOU! hiding behind your avatars and nicks and bogus email addies, but you have been my pillar of strength 
its so funny when i look back now…cuz i REALLY thought back then that i’ll never love again lor! okaaaaay… that was a TAD dramatic. but after the breakup, i became exceedingly cautious and cynical when it came to matters of the heart. but that didnt mean i was depressed or anything. i enjoyed singlehood with the kind of gusto i never thought i had: i travelled alot, met new people, did loadsa fun things like sky dive… i LIVED life. but back in the private confines of my head space, i thought alot about this little thing called “love”. i missed that skip in my step, that warm glow and fuzzy feeling inside.. and that silly ear-to-ear grin that happens whenever i fall hopelessly in love.
at this point i’d like to clarify that when i say “fall in love”, it doesnt have to mean the serious “til death do us part” type of feeling. urgh. way too much pressure, that. ”love” could mean anything from a lil crush to an infatuation… basically any positive feeling that hints towards a heart thats open and accepting
so i met him at a tequila bar one chilly thursday night in LA. i listened to him talk and i liked the things he said. (helps that he’s painfully cute as well.. and has the sexiest set of teeth! yes, im obsessed with teeth…) i left my friends outside for a bit and headed indoors for a drink with him. he said he was going to buenos aires for a holiday in the summer and invited me along. moved a tad too fast for comfort but right at that moment, my heart skipped a beat. and i knew. i cant fool myself, no point being cruel, the world’s tough enough as it is… i like this guy. ALOT. okay so he’s younger than i am. this “relationship” feels forbidden, yet so darn romantic. so after daily exchanges of lengthy emails and the occasional skype sessions, he’s makin a trip down to singapore for a week in december before we be jettin’ off to argentina…. mad love. FOUR MORE MONTHS! can die… serrriously….
so yes. the rozzie heart is open again. nothing concrete. but its defo open, alright. im possibly setting myself up for some sort of defeat somewhere down the road… but heck! ima just sit back, not expect too much and enjoy the ride
RYAN LEE
